Did My Daughter Have a Date?

Yesterday, Caelyn, Caleb and I travelled into Manhattan with friends and it has me wondering, did my daughter have a date?

Kid's rocker Aurdrarox was playing a show in Madison Square Park yesterday morning.  Based in Brooklyn, she plays regularly in the area and is one of Caelyn and Caleb's favorites. When discussing our plans with a friend whose son Aiden is Caelyn's age and whose daughter Kiera is just a little older than Caleb, the conversation turned to seeing if they wanted to go with us.  Fortunately, they did.

Caelyn and Aiden have and interesting relationship. Basically, they adore each other.  They have been taking Taekwon-do together for close to a year and their favorite classes are the ones where the other is there with them.

Due to school schedules, though, the first time they have been around each other outside the dojang was yesterday.  This did not stop Aiden however from declaring that he was going to marry Caelyn in 25 years or Caelyn from saying she agreed to the proposal.

Aiden's mom Lazette and I put together the details.  We would load all four kids into our van, travel into Manhattan for Audrarox's show, then hit a playground and eat nearby.

With this plan in place, I started to get nervous when Caelyn's high fever early in the week stubbornly persisted.  By Wednesday, it was still present but lower than before.  I contacted Lazette to she if she wanted to change the plan but we both agreed, unless there was a serious downturn, we were going ahead.

While I was not there to see it, I understand Aiden did a dance on the porch when given the news about Thursday's plans.  When Caelyn and Aiden saw each other later that Wednesday at the dojang, Aiden was beside himself, talking quickly and loudly about the next days trip into the city.

As Caelyn had yet not been told about it, she looked a little confused.  It just didn't click for her that Aiden was discussing plans he had with her.  When I told her later on about the plan, she stared at me in disbelief.  Then she smiled.  It wasn't just her mouth that smiled, but her whole body.  Then the bouncing started.

Yesterday morning, Aiden was waiting on the front porch when I pulled into the driveway.  We had an uneventful trip in but it was loud, very loud.  Caelyn and Aiden were sitting together in the back of the van trying to see who could talk the loudest and the fastest.  At least, that is what it seemed like to me up front.

Meanwhile,  Caleb and Kiera were the calm ones.  Caleb bounced happily to the music while Kiera colored in her coloring book.  Lazette and I just talked and laughed at the noise coming from the back as we made our way through the last of the morning rush.

Fortunately, the church we attend in Manhattan is near Madison Square Park so I was able to get street parking in the restricted area in front of it.  We made it to the stage about 5 minutes before the show began.

Caelyn, Caleb and Aiden made their way to the front where they watched and danced.  Sometimes they danced alone, sometimes Caelyn and Aiden danced together and sometimes they just watched while holding hands.

After Audrarox finished her set, it was playground time. The playground there in the park was a madhouse.  Tons of kids, running, screaming and playing.  They had a blast.

When it was time for lunch, Kerry was able to sneak out of her office for a bit to join us.

After I told Lazette Kerry would be joining us, she responded, "Good. Another set of hands."  And boy did we need them.  None of the children acted badly in the restaurant but there were four of them. Two are five, one is three and the other is two so you can imagine how that went.

After our escape from the restaurant, Kerry went back to work and Lazette and I walked the kids to Union Square for playground number two.

Finally, the kids were done.  They had nothing left in the tank so it was back to the van for the drive home.  The ride back was much quieter.  All four children fell asleep.  It was a sure sign of a day well spent.

After goodbyes were said and I was driving home, I wondered to myself, "Did I my daughter just have a date?"

After all, they saw a show, went out to eat and walked through the city hand in hand at times.  It certainly sounds like a date.  And they do plan to be married.

 I guess we will just have to see what time brings but I know this, if they do end up getting married in 25 years, I will be reading this at their reception.

Day With a Sick Daughter

I have a sick daughter today.  Nothing serious.  According to the doctor it's just your run of the mill make you feel like crap virus.

Caelyn started coming down with a fever yesterday at church.  Looking back at how she was acting before we left for church, she was probably coming down with it then but we had no idea.  We just figured she hadn't slept well.

When we got home and checked her temperature, it came in at around 104.  I know some people who read this think that is high but we didn't even blink.  We've been there too many times before.

Caelyn and fevers have a long history of taking things to the extreme.  She almost never gets a temperature of 101 or something like that.  It's either normal or at least 103.  Once her temperature was so high the doctor's response was, "Well, if she was going to have seizures, she would have done it by now."

So, 104 did not particularly alarm us.  We treated it with medicine that knocked it down to 101 where she was much more comfortable.

There is nothing and no one so pitiful as Caelyn when she is feeling ill.  She whines and whimpers.  She complains over and over again about this or that not being right. Everything is a battle and her volatility goes off the scale.  It is a fight to get her to eat or even take medicine she knows will help her.  Any and every little thing can set off a meltdown.  The only thing she wants to do is curl up and whine.

This morning I gave Caelyn some medicine to take.  She had finished the flavor she liked so she had to try something new.  The result was Caelyn throwing a fit about how she didn't like the taste.  She finally drank it but because she had gotten herself so worked up, she spit a bunch of it up on her nightgown.

Once I cleaned her up, it was time to take her to the doctor's where after a strep test came back negative, he declared it the above mentioned virus.  Considering I know of at least 2 other families with kids with similar illnesses, I imagine it is just one making the rounds.

Much of the rest of the day was spent on the couch with Caelyn.  Fortunately, her brother took a very long nap giving Caelyn time to rest and even sleep a bit.

As I write this, Caelyn is in her room with her mommy trying to go to sleep.  Hopefully, she will sleep better tonight than she did last night and the fever will have broken by morning.  It's tough seeing your kid suffer, even when it is something as common as this.

I want to take it all away from her.  I want to be able to just reach my hand out and remove that which makes her feel so bad.  Unfortunately, I can't.  But what I can do is hold her, comfort her, and care for her until she feels better. Here's hoping that will be soon.

Punk Island Redux: Part 2 - Rambling Observations

I imagine this happens with all parents but there are times when I wonder if my own opinions are pushing my children in one direction or another. I wonder if I am projecting my own likes and dislikes onto them. In this particular case, I wonder if my musical taste and tendencies are pushing my daughter in the direction of what I like rather than what she likes.

Then I see her at an event like Punk Island this past Sunday and I know, it's not just me. This is her thing as much as it is mine.

Caelyn was dressed Sunday in her punk rock best.  Well, the best that we will allow her to have at the moment.  Dyed blood red hair, Ramones t-shirt, blue jean shorts and mis-matched pink and purple Chucks. Tattoos and piercings will have to wait until she is older. =-)

What is so interesting to me about all this is she is not playing dress up.  As one friend remarked, this is who she is.  I wasn't some excited dad trying to relive his youth though I was excited and had a great time. I was a father allowing his daughter to be who she was and flourish in her element.  And a festival loaded with a bunch of punks was just that, her element.

Caelyn was completely comfortable being surrounded by people with multi-colored hair, giant mohawks, and tons of piercings and tattoos.  She got excited and pointed out each Ramones shirt or pair of Chucks she saw.  She loved the music and demanded to be either right in front or on my shoulders so she could see.  She was also thrilled by the mosh pits.  She only wished she could join in.

We met one of the bands, The Furiousity, while waiting for the ferry.  Caelyn was shy for about 2 seconds and then joined right in.  They were great to us and especially to her.  They not only gave her some stuff to keep but made her a part of their group.  For a while she was in charge of their mascot.  Their singer came over to her a couple of times during their set and whenever we would run into them throughout the day, they made a point of waving Caelyn over and talking to her.  Caelyn loved every minute of it.

As a parent, nothing makes me feel happier than seeing my child happy.  And when that happiness comes due to the kindness of others, I feel particularly fond of them.  So while they probably will never read this, I can't thank The Furiousity enough.

In addition to the music, people everywhere were making a fuss over Caelyn.  Particularly the girls and women at the show.  Punk is a pretty male dominated scene and Caelyn had many girls of all ages come over to say hi and they liked her hair or her shirt or her shoes. 

We were approached by the drum instructor for Willie Mae Rock Camp for Girls in Brooklyn to tell us about their program for when she gets older.  Caelyn also had a lot of cameras pointed her way throughout the day including one posed shot of the two of us together. 

I don't know what exactly it was that did it, but Caelyn had some of the toughest looking punks fawning over her. And not one person looked at her or treated her like she didn't belong.

When the day was over and the last band had finished, we made our way to the pier to catch the Brooklyn ferry.  Waiting on line for the boat to come, she met another little girl slightly older than her.

This girl was with her parents and they were simply there to explore Governors Island.  It took the two girls (Caelyn in her punk outfit and the other in her pretty summer dress) just a few minutes to become fast friends.  They spent the wait time playing in the dirt, walked hand in hand to the ferry and had to stay together through the trip back.  When it was time to go our separate ways, there were big hugs.

We spent the ride home listening to the Cd's Caelyn had gotten while she tried to convince me her hair should stay red for school the next day.  It was fine with me but she had been in the sun all day and was covered in sunscreen so a shower was a necessity and the dye was wash out.  Fortunately for her, Johnson's Baby Shampoo' didn't do such a great job on the red so she was able to keep it for school on Monday.

Punk Island Redux: Part 1 - Timeline

Fathers day has come and gone. Now is time for the memories of a day well spent with my little girl.

As mentioned in a previous post, my father's day plan was to spend the day with my daughter enjoying Punk Island 2011.  The event, which took place on Governors Island, brought together 8 stages of mostly local and regional punk bands.  The day ended with a set by British anarcho-punk band Zounds whose only other U.S. show took place the night before.

Father's day started off with my daughter joining me in our room and snuggling me for about 1/2 hour before it was time to get moving.  First, I had to find the present she created for me.  I was informed it was hidden somewhere in our room so I searched until I found it.

It was then time to go downstairs where I was not to see what Caelyn and her mother were doing.  A little bit later I was brought a very delicious egg sandwich which I happily ate.

After breakfast, it was time to get Caelyn ready for Punk Island.  This began with a very clueless daddy breaking out the Manic Panic and dyeing a very excited little girl's hair vampire red.  I can't claim it was a great dye job but she loved it and the overall results turned out pretty good once I got a little practice.

A Work in Progress

Around 9:45 a.m. Caelyn and I headed to Brooklyn to catch the ferry to Governors Island.  We arrived with plenty of time to catch the first of that days boats.

While waiting for the boat to arrive, I noticed the women in front of us had guitar cases and a bass amp with them.  I mentioned to Caelyn they were probably one of the bands playing the festival.

They introduced themselves and gave Caelyn a couple of buttons and some stickers with the name of their band, The Furiousity, written across them.  We spent the next 15 minutes or so talking with them.  When it came time to board the ferry, Caelyn asked if we could sit with them and they made sure she had a spot with them on the boat.

We spent the trip to the island talking music. During the conversation it came out the I had recently been to Governors Island and knew the layout so I became the navigator.  As we walked with The Furiousity to their stage assignment, Caelyn was talking, smiling, and in charge of their mascot.

Once we reached the stage, Caelyn was reluctant to leave the band.  They graciously told us we were welcome to hang out as long as we wanted but as they had a lot of work to do before they played, I convinced Caelyn we would see them later and should get out of their way.

We grabbed some lunch and roamed the stages until a band called In Circles caught our attention. Led by a powerful female guitarist/singer, Caelyn was taken in immediately and made her way to the front. After the set, she spoke to the singer for a little bit and left with a CD.

Up Front for In Circles

It was now ice cream time before heading over to see Born in a Cent followed by Titfit.  While watching Born in a Cent, we ran into some members of The Furiousity once again.  This would be a reoccurring theme throughout the day with us seeing them many times both before and after they played.

 

Ice Cream Time

  

When Titfit finished it was time to see The Furiousity perform. As we arrived at the stage, Ashley, their singer, waved Caelyn over to join her sitting under her umbrella away from the sun where Caelyn stayed until it was time for them to go on.

The Furiousity's set was tight. There were some technical problems with the stage but they put on a really good show.  Caelyn was jumping up and down and dancing and she wasn't the only one. It's too bad they are from Boston and don't play around here a lot or I would be taking Caelyn to see them regularly.

Ashley singing to Caelyn

Caelyn Dancing

Hanging Out After the Set

Once the set was over, we hung out with the band for a while longer and then it was time to check out more music.  We picked up a CD and while we would see them several times throughout the rest of the day, we didn't know that then so we said our good-byes.

Caelyn and I took a snack break with more ice cream before going to check out The Homewreckers.  It was a good set.  Caelyn, of course, had to be right in front.  A pit broke out behind us but she was oblivious to it.  If someone came close, I just knocked them back and she was none the wiser.  After the set, Caelyn met with the band and picked up some more stickers and a CD.

With The Homewreckers

By this time, it was getting late in the afternoon and the little girl needed to just run around so we played tag and checked out a sculpture exhibition contained in one of the old houses on the island.  Then, we just rested for a bit before ging to see Zounds, the last band of the day.

Zounds is an old British punk band that dates back to the late 70s.  They are right in my wheelhouse and sad to say, I was not familiar with them even though I know a lot of their peers.  I was excited to see them as was most of the crowd.  Zounds had only played one show in the U.S. before Punk Island and that had been the night before.

They were good.  Really good.  Caelyn was up on my shoulders for this set and we made our way as close to the front as possible.

Shortly after Zounds started, much to Caelyn's joy, a pit broke out around us.  I moved us over to the edge and keeping her balanced on my shoulders with my left arm, shoved people around with my right. When the pit closed, we moved toward the front again.

When the pit started a started a second time, I moved back once again.  This time I was about two feet or so from it's edge.  Caelyn started moving back and forth, kicking her heels at me like she was riding a horse until I moved over the pit's edge and could shove people once again.

When Zounds ended, I asked if she wanted to try and meet them.  She did so we made our way over and met the singer/guitarist.  After speaking with him for a few minutes Caelyn noticed a large, partially blue cymbal with bumps all over it on the drum kit.  She asked me what it as for.  I didn't know so I told her she should ask the drummer as he was still there breaking down his gear.

As he was telling Caelyn about the cymbal, he reached down and pulled out a clearly used drumstick and gave it to Caelyn.  She was thrilled and in a rare occurrence, speechless.  After leaving the drummer we ran into the bassist who commented he had a four year old and thought it was great to see Caelyn at the show.

Walking to catch the ferry back to Brooklyn, Caelyn held up her drumstick and proclaimed it the best music day ever.  I just smiled, a lot.

Punk Island Girl

This Sunday I will taking my 5 year old daughter to Punk Island 2011.  Part of the Make Music New York Festival held on Tuesday the 21st, Punk Island will be a collection of 70 + acts spread across 8 stages for 6 hours on Governor's Island.   Since Governor's Island isn't open to the public on Tuesdays, the organizers of Make Music New York decided to hold Punk Island on Sunday instead.

A couple of weeks ago I started to describe the event to Caelyn. I told her it was a bunch of loud, noisy punk bands. That was as far as I got before she interrupted me by yelling, "I wanna go! Can we go?"  As my plan was to ask her if she was interested in going, I told her yes.  She was upset however, when I told her she would not be allowed in the pit.  I have to draw the line somewhere. =-)

Many of my Facebook posts revolve around Caelyn and her reaction to music.  This is, in part, because I find it amusing.  There is something intrinsically funny to me about a 5 year old running around in circles screaming Ramones at the top of her lungs when they come on or having to stop everything and dance every time something loud, hard and fast is played. 

Music is a major part of Caelyn's life. Her love for it is very strong.  I, of course, am the enabler or pusher in this case if you will.  I have something playing almost all the time.

Music has been a strong love of mine for as long as I can remember.  I still have the first album (actually it was a cassette) I ever bought with my own money.  It was Joan Jett and the Blackhearts' I love Rock n Roll. I bought it from a place called Rat Records in the Village section of Houston.

It is a great thrill of mine to see Caelyn have the same passion and love for music that I do.  I particularly like that her favorite type of music is as she puts it, the loud, noisy kind. 

Ironically it was my wife, who is much more James Taylor than Johhny Rotten, who noticed our daughter's love of loud music.  She noticed that as a baby, Caelyn would be in a better mood whenever guitar heavy songs were played.  When she pointed this out to me, I pulled out countless cds, some mine, some Kerry's and played them to watch Caelyn's reactions.  Sure enough, guitar driven music was what she responded to.

I have already mentioned in another post how The Distillers helped her through colic.  We would use White Stripes to calm her late at night when she woke up coughing and confused.  There was nothing like 'Blue Orchid" to bring her around when she would start to lose it during those late night hours.

As she has gotten older, she still prefers the noise.  Particularly, played live.  It could be a full scale, large stage show or just some band set up on a sidewalk and she will want to see them.  She loves live music.

Last summer we took her to many smaller concerts around NYC.  Mostly they were kid friendly rock bands that actually did rock.  Then over Labor Day Weekend we took to RevGen 2010.

RevGen is a Christian music festival in southern NJ consisting of mostly metal, hard rock and hardcore bands.  We figured it would be a good venue to see how she did with tens of thousands of people around.  Plus there was some pretty good bands playing.  She had a great time though my shoulders were a bit sore from all the time she spent on them. Click here to see video of Caelyn jammin to Fireflight's Desperate.

So this Sunday should be fun.  She won't know any of the bands.  She doesn't need to.  All she needs to know is she will be seeing music performed all day long and she is happy and excited.

Not Your Typical Girl

My daughter is not your average 5 year old.  Perhaps, average isn't the right word.  There really is no such thing as an average 5 year old.

At that age they are so full of potential and enthusiasm it is hard to call them average.  Watch them closely and you can catch glimpses of who they could become.  Their potential is almost limitless but you can see see their future demons in there also.  It is an amazing age so average doesn't fit.

I hesitate to use the word normal.  It's kind of a loaded word and it means different things to different people.  So let's just say my daughter is not your typical 5 year old.

This is not surprising.  She has always been a little different from kids her own age.  There is just something in her personality.

I remember the ultrasound where we learned Caelyn was a girl.  Her legs were tightly closed.  The technician pushed at her from a variety of angles trying to get her to move.  Each attempt was met with resistance.  It took so long, I thought the technician would just give up. I was about ready to myself.  It was then Caelyn finally moved.  We saw this little foot on the monitor grow until it took up almost the entire screen.  The technician jumped a little, then laughed.  “She just kicked me,” she told us.

When Caelyn was too young to even crawl, she had a bout of colic.  It was what I would call good colic, if there is such a thing.  Rather than occurring at night, it would start around 4 pm. and end around 8 pm. It was frustrating but better than her screaming through the night.

One afternoon, after trying everything I could think of to calm her down, I just gave up.  I went over to the computer and cranked The Distillers while I held Caelyn in my lap.  For those who are not familiar with The Distillers, the simple description is they are a very noisy punk band.  Upon hearing the music, Caelyn immediately calmed and fell asleep.  It became our routine until the colic ended.

From before the age of two she loved The Ramones.  For almost two years, it was the only thing she would listen to in the car without getting upset.  At age three she asked me why they sounded different when I put on the Brain Drain CD.  This was their first release after Dee Dee, their primary songwriter had left the band.  Even at that early age, she noticed the slight change in musical style.

Her preferred shoe of choice, Converse Chuck Taylor High Tops.  One pink, One purple.  She has been wearing them that way for years and is genuinely confused when people remark that her shoes don't match.

This year, her Easter basket contained a maze.  Caelyn picked her own starting point far from the end and made it correctly from it to the finish never once going near the beginning.  My wife commented this describes our daughter perfectly.

Now going to kindergarten, her difference is obvious.  She is the only one at school carrying a Ramones book bag rather than a backpack.  While she does like Hello Kitty and princesses, her favorite shirts have Speed Racer, The Avengers, The Ramones, Green Day and Darth Vader on them.

She may be the only one in her school (certainly the only one in her grade) to see American Idiot on Broadway.  Granted, that was my idea, but her excitement at the show was unbelievable.  The second Billy Joe Armstrong entered the stage, she couldn't stop jumping up and down.  She danced and sang along with the songs much to the delight of the people around us.

A couple of weeks after the show, Caelyn's Aunt Melina met Billy Joe Armstrong and mentioned to him her niece really enjoyed American Idiot.  Caelyn was stunned and thrilled to find out the singer from Green Day knew she liked his show.

Caelyn loves to draw, paint, tell stories, put on shows and just about anything artistic and creative.  She is always asking what this song means or what was meant when they sang this lyric.  She also wants explanations for why characters in stories, movies and tv shows do the things they do.

Recently she started writing songs.  Seriously.  She started writing lyrics using a phonics based system of writing since she can't read very well yet.  Either that or she tells the lyrics to me so I can write them for her.  Many times she will then go over to the piano and bang out a rhythm for the lyrics.  They are simple and short with a lot of repetition but they are clearly songs.  The subjects are generally things going on at school or about God.  Sometimes they are a take on a song she knows.

It is unlikely, however, she will ever be a sports star. She takes dance and Taekwon-do.  She does well with them but put her in front of a soccer ball or a glove on her hand and while she will give it all she's got, not much has developed there.  She has yet to ride a bike because she thinks peddling is too difficult.

Long before I ever considered having children, I jokingly remarked that if I ever did have a child I would raise it to be a boil on the ass of society.  While I don't really want that, I don't want a typical child either and I never have.

Perhaps it is because I am not normal.  My wife will be the first to tell you this.  After ten plus years of marriage and being together years before that, she still is amazed at how I see and interpret the things around me.  She often remarks how she forgets I don't think like normal people do.  I take this as a compliment even when it is not meant to be.

There is a debate about nature vs nurture as to how a child will turn out.  In the case of my daughter, it doesn't matter as I am a stay at home dad and she definitely has my nature.

This has me worried for Caelyn's teenage years though and even for what they now call the tween years.  She is not typical and the world can be cruel to those who don't fit in their box.  It starts early in life but really hits hard in high school.

While I had an abundance of friendly acquaintances in high school, people I had known since elementary school that I got along with, I only had a couple of truly close friends.  I was blessed to have them in my life.  I was also fortunate to have a wonderful girlfriend my senior year.

Those three, they know who they are, helped me in ways they never knew just by their mere presence in my life and even though I am not the best at keeping in touch, I still love them dearly.  I hope and pray my daughter has the same good fortune I did and finds people like them.

She will have a tough time as she gets older and starts to realize she is different.  Sadly, there will be plenty of her peers more than willing to point it out to her as well.

My wife and I will be there to support her and hopefully she will never lose her individuality.  I hope and pray we instill in her the confidence to be herself no matter what.  I hope she always stays that girl in the womb, kicking at those who try to get her to move when she is not ready.  And I hope she has the will to fight and kick and claw to keep herself and never lose it to those that will try to stomp out that individuality which makes her so extraordinary.  For she is just that, extraordinary.

Ramblings About The End of School and Summer

In less than two weeks our daughter will finish her first year of school. She will no longer be a kindergartner. She will be moving into the first grade.

Caelyn's kindergarten graduation is set for next Wednesday with the last day of school next Thursday. It's funny. Before I had a child in school, I found the idea of all the little graduation celebrations amusing. I didn't really see them as having much of a point. Not anymore. They are significant, at least for a kindergartner.

I hear the transition from kindergarten to first grade is one of the toughest. For the first time they have to sit in desks rather than around tables. The teaching styles are different and the work is harder. It may be only one grade difference but it is two different worlds.

As is often the case with time, this school year has seemed to both fly and crawl by simultaneously. It feels as if it were only yesterday I was holding Caelyn's hand, walking her to class on her first day of "real" school.

That day was hard on me. I was proud but sad. It was her first significant step into a bigger world that I would not always be a part of. There would be influences I would have no control over and friends I would barely know. It would be a world that was hers. Sure, I would be a part of it, but it would be hers and I would be the visitor.

Fortunately, that world has been a good one. She has been blessed with wonderful teachers and classmates. She has made some really good friends and has learned a lot.

Now with summer coming, the onus will be on me to make sure the relationships she has forged through this school year continue.

One of the saddest things it seems to me is to see the relationships built up over the course of a school year disappear, or at least go on hiatus, during the summer. I know from my own experience that is tough on a kid. You go from seeing your friends almost every day to not seeing them at all very abruptly.

It's no one's fault really. Time doesn't stop and the day to day activities of life keep coming so before you know it, summer is over and your kid hasn't seen their friends for two months. It happens to us adults all the time.

So there will need to be play dates. Hopefully, a lot of play dates. I need to make sure of that. There is also Caelyn's birthday at the beginning of August to plan. Hopefully, many of her classmates will be in town for that.

This monkey will need to do some dancing this summer to keep the kids entertained. And I hope to have my kids and their friends dancing along with me.