Around here, September is one of the most beautiful months of the year. The hot days of August are gone and fall weather begins. For most of the month we don't need to use either a heater or an air conditioner and the sun shines abundantly. Such was the case on September 11, 2001.
Most of the time, that day and the changes it brought about are so ingrained into our daily lives that we don't think too much about it. Giant planters and blockades in front of buildings to prevent car bombs go relatively unnoticed. As do the heavily armed Hercules police unit swarms that take place around the city. Parts of downtown resemble a fortress and police carrying machine guns in certain areas is now normal. It is just the way it is and most people don't think to much about the reason for it.
However, this time of year brings it to the forefront. It's all over the news. Every two bit political pundit and politician exploit it for their own political gain. You can't turn on the TV without seeing some ignorant blowhard running off at the mouth. It's become so politicized in the media that the true stories of that day, the simple stories of people who lived through it, get lost in the rush by some moron trying to be outrageous in order to score political points and media coverage.
But I digress. This is an emotional time of year for me and this piece is not meant to be a political story. Everyone around here has their own story of the day the towers fell and this time of year, many begin to tell them. So, this is mine.
On the morning of September 11, 2001, my wife Kerry and I were living in the Carroll Gardens section of Brooklyn. We had been married for a little less than a year. The morning was picture perfect. It sounds like a cliche, but it is true. The sky was like a postcard and the weather was ideal. When you see the footage of that day, look away from the carnage, take a peek at the sky and you will see what I mean.
It was also an election day. The polling place by our Brooklyn apartment wasn't very far away and it was only a 1/2 a block from our subway stop. I left the apartment and walked over to vote before work. There was no line so I walked right in to the booth. As I was leaving the polling place, Kerry was walking in.
I hopped on the subway as usual and went to work. Because of the great weather, we had the office windows open. When the first plane hit, I heard the impact. Then I heard people screaming. The same thing happened with the second plane. Our office was about is about 1 1/2 miles from the World Trade Center so the impacts were loud.
However, the office is located in the village. It borders New York University and it was not uncommon to hear loud sounds and screaming. No one took any notice. It was not until one of our sales reps called a few minutes later to see how we were that we knew planes had hit the World Trade Center.
Back when the Empire State Building was new, a military plane flew into the side of the building by accident.and every so often a small plane will hit a building in Manhattan. It was with these images in our minds that we left the office and headed up the stairs to the roof of our building where there was an unobstructed view of the burning towers.
It only took one look to know, this was not a small plane. Eventually, as the day progressed we would learn more but for those first minutes on the roof, we couldn't imagine it was anything other than an accident. We stood on the roof watching, transfixed by the holes and the fires that were clearly visible.
Few people know how big the World Trade Center really was. They see the towers and think that is it. If you had never been down there, you would have no idea how far underground it went. There was an entire shopping mall under there, numerous subway stops and a PATH train station that connects NYC and Jersey.
Kerry worked in Jersey City at the time. Her commute from Brooklyn took her from the subway, through the underground World Trade Center complex to the PATH station where she would take a train to the Jersey side.
When you live somewhere long enough, you instinctively know how long it takes to get from place to place. Give someone the two locations and the time of day and they will know how long it will take to get there. If you asked me where Kerry was at any given time during her commute, I could tell you almost exactly. So it was that I knew immediately she was in the World Trade Center complex when the planes hit.
I stood there on the roof watching the towers burn and trying in vain to get in touch with my wife. Phones, land and cell, were spotty at best. Internet service was only working a little. For the next few hours, I went between the roof and the office. The only news feeds we could get was local radio and the BBC online.
When #2 World Trade Center, the first tower to go, fell I had not yet heard from Kerry. I was watching from the roof of our office building when it went. I can still hear the rumble, the gasps and screams of those around me. The shock I felt was staggering. No one had ever thought anything like that could happen.
One of the most vivid memories I have of that moment was when our office manager, who was standing a little to the right of me, put her hand on my back. She looked at me and said quietly and simply, "I am sure she wasn't there."
I don't know how much time passed but it seemed like an eternity. I tried over and over to reach my wife who I had no doubt was there during the attack. Later in the day, I received an e-mail from a coworker of Kerry's who had a pager. He wrote simply, "kerry's ok, will call later." That is the greatest e-mail I have ever received. The office broke out in applause when I told them the news. It was like something out of a movie. I said loudly, "She's ok" and the place erupted in cheers.
I later found that she made it out on the last PATH train to leave from the World Trade Center. She had seen smoke and running emergency crews but did not know what happened until she reached the Jersey side. I am forever grateful she didn't know sooner because as she has told me in the past, if she had known, she would have gone above ground instead of staying safely below.
I managed to get en e-mail to my cousin in Dallas and miraculously reach Kerry's brother in California by phone. They took care of the notifications of our families.
Finally, I decided to go home. No one was being allowed into Manhattan so Kerry was to stay in Jersey that night. I took the subway, a very quiet and shocked subway, home to Brooklyn.
When I got out of the Carroll Street station and back above ground, the neighborhood was covered with ash. I remember thinking I was walking through what not only was what was left of the Towers but of also what was left of bodies that had been incinerated.
And the smell, I can't even explain the smell. If you look at still pictures that show where the smoke was blowing, you will see it went straight into Brooklyn. Our neighborhood was less than 3 miles from the World Trade Center as the crow flies.
I walked over to a local hospital to give blood but they already had a line that went for blocks and no means to collect all the potential donations.
I went back to our apartment stopping to talk with neighbors along the way. Finally, I got home and other than taking a few phone calls that managed to make it through, I just sat in front of the computer playing video games to keep my mind off of what had happened. I had seen enough for one day and didn't go near the TV. Kerry got home mid afternoon the next day.
I mentioned the smell earlier. That smell was to be a part of our daily lives for many months to come. The fires at the World Trade Center burned for months and we could never leave our apartment without smelling them.
Each day we would walk past the pictures of the dead. Fliers that desperate people put up with a picture of their loved one and a number to call if they had been seen anywhere.
People would suddenly stop and start weeping on sidewalks and subway platforms. My office was in the first frozen zone so there were police and National Guard everywhere.
Every day there were subway delays due to bomb squad investigations. Buildings were routinely being evacuated. The entire city was on edge and the smallest thing (powder from a donut on a subway pllatform, a forgotten backpack) would bring a huge police response.
The news kept count of the dead and missing. Emergency crews pretended to be in the rubble so the rescue dogs would stop getting depressed for they found no one. Lines went for blocks with people trying to donate blood only to be turned away for the hospitals had all they could stock. Everyone felt the need to do something but no one really could.
All in all, we were lucky. Everyone knew someone who lost someone but no one we knew was killed that day though many had close calls including some in the Towers.
Kerry had originally been scheduled to attend a meeting that day in Tower #1. She cancelled the meeting because a friend of mine, who was supposed to go to the Yankees game with me that night had to cancel and she decided to go to the game instead. Since she was attending the game, she decided to vote before work and cancelled her 9 am meeting. Otherwise, she would have been in Tower #1 when the planes hit. All but one of her company's people in those office's made it out.
So here it is 9 years later and a lot of things have changed but the scars still remain. I still get nervous at the sight and sound of low flying planes. The pictures of the dead are long gone but I can still see them clearly in my mind when I walk past where they were posted The smell, the smell is gone but I don't think there is anything that will ever cause me to forget it. My life changed that day in ways that on some level I still don't understand. But we are still here. New York is still here and it's not going anywhere.
I tried to think of some way to tie the jumbled thoughts, emotions and memories I have of that day and it's aftermath together for a conclusion to this post. I have come to the conclusion that I can't and I shouldn't. The writing jumps because so much comes rushing back that it is like overload and I simply don't have the talent to do it justice.
So I will leave you with an e-mail I wrote on September 25, 2001 and sent out to friends and family. It is copied below in it's entirety and I have not changed a word. Perhaps it can give you a better idea of the thoughts and feelings that still affect me to this day.
9-25-01
Ramblings from the city that can no longer sleep.
This morning has been a rather eerie one for me. I find myself doing the same things I did on September 11. I went to vote and have plans to go to a Yankees game tonight. Those are the same two things that were planned on the day of the attack. Fortunately, I think this day will turn out better.
The world I awoke to that morning, the world which existed at 8:30 when I got to work, is substantially different from the one that existed less than 20 minutes later. Things have been changed. Politicians and the media talk of a return to normalcy and that may be possible elsewhere but here normal has been redefined and we find ourselves having to adjust to it.
For those of you outside of New York, which I believe is many on this list, we do hear about what is going on West of the Hudson although probably not much of it. While I can only absolutely speak for myself, I think I can say that we appreciate the support the rest of the nation has given our city and we find it amusing how suddenly, people love us. Even in Boston.
Have no fear, New York will be rebuilt and rise again to be "hated" by the rest of the country but I believe that no one will ever again look on the sight of our beloved Towers. It is just not practical to ask someone to work on the 110th floor.
I am one of the lucky ones. My wife is safe. She was able to make it out before anyone had an idea of all that was involved. There are so many that are not that fortunate. I see their faces everyday on the train. I see their pictures on every block. I hear their stories as I walk down the street, turn on the TV or pick up a paper. There is no one here who has come out of this without a scar; some are just larger than others.
Do not forget what is important in your life. While we all say that those we care about are the most important, our actions tend to show otherwise much of the time. The other day, they reached the area where my wife was that day and found no survivors. I think of how close I came to being one of those people who was walking from hospital to hospital clutching pictures of their loved ones and it makes me shiver. Make sure you let those in your life know you care because you never know when it may be your last opportunity.
Make no mistake, we are now a country at war. For those who doubt that, I ask them to pay me a visit sometime. I ask them to speak to those whose have walked the streets strewn with body parts as some friends of mine have.
I ask them to listen to my wife speak of the police she saw running toward the smoke who may or may not be alive today. They can speak to the many of us who watched in horror as the Towers collapsed before our eyes, who saw the thousands heading up Broadway covered in debris, who breathed in the smoke, and ash and yes, burnt flesh. They can talk to my neighbors who had to wash this stuff off their homes or watched as pieces of clothing fell from the sky. An unknown rescue worker wrote in lower Manhattan, "I have seen war today" and that is true for many in this city in some form or another.
If Pearl Harbor was an act of war then this must surely be. We lost far more in the World Trade Center than was ever conceived of being lost from that attack. In fact, our country lost more people in the World Trade Center than we lost in Pearl Harbor and D-Day combined. But while we are at war, we must remember that we are a nation of laws and we must protect the innocent. There must be no rush to judgment. We must do everything possible to protect the innocent and we must also do everything possible to eliminate every organization and government who would support or conduct these types of acts.
I have seen people of all backgrounds and faiths working to rebuild this city. I have seen Muslims crying next to Christians next to Jews all holding the United States flag. Islam is not our enemy. Terror is our enemy and to strike back in a blind rage would accomplish nothing.
There will be a war in Afghanistan, but the Afghani people are not our enemy, their government and its guests are. No Muslim should be targeted abroad or here simply because they are Muslim. After all those who did this defame Islam and are no believers in God at all.
We must prepare ourselves for what is to come. We must be strong in the face of the losses we are sure to experience in the future and we must be vocal in holding our government accountable for how it conducts its business. We must make sure we get the right people and leave the innocent alone for they are no more guilty than the 6500 or so buried in lower Manhattan.
I am convinced that there is no peaceful solution to this. The people, organizations and governments that would do this will not stop. If they are left alone, we will be forced to deal with biological, chemical and/or nuclear devices being used in our cities. My wife and I fully expect that there will be another attempt on our home, New York City.
There will be a war but it should be conducted with regret and not glee. I can assure you that what I have seen and felt these past two weeks is not something so sit in front your TV and cheer the way people did during the gulf war. Whether it is here or abroad it is nothing to be happy about. While it must be done to protect ourselves, take no joy in it.
I ask that all pray for those who will be fighting and dying for us in the years to come. I ask that you remember those that are gone and that you pray for those left behind. I ask that you remember that Muslims are not our enemy. And believe it or not, I ask that you pray for those who would do this. Those that believe in the Bible know it commands nothing less to pray for those that hurt you. Our capacity to love is what makes us different from the terrorists. Do not let hate dictate your actions. Let us make sure our cause stays just.
Anyway, for what its worth, its one persons opinion.
-tim
