A few weeks ago, I had my regularly scheduled check up with my cardiologist. While in the hospital about a year and a half ago, the cardiologist who was brought in to consult on my high blood pressure treatment took an interest in my case. As he put it, he was determined to figure it out and wanted me to continue to see him when I was released. As a result, every 3 or 4 months I go for a check up.
This last visit, he was happy enough with what he saw he decided to lower the dosage on the beta blocker I am taking. Due to the Thanksgiving holiday and the complete changing of my schedule, I decided to wait until this past week to make the change to the lower dose.
Every time I have my medication lowered or in some cases dropped completely, I am happy at the progress I am making. I am also anxious about what will happen. Will my blood pressure shoot up? Will it slowly creep up as my system adjusts? These fears are a bit irrational. If the med change didn't go well, I could always go back to what was working before. I know this yet each time I sit down to take my blood pressure, I feel anxious.
Anxiety can be contagious. In the case of blood pressure, particularly so as it will raise the numbers. This will in turn cause more anxiety and, well, you can probably guess where that leads. So I have to be careful when I take a reading. I almost have to trick myself into it so that I don't have long to think about it.
Wednesday, I received a good lesson on how these fears really are a waste of time.
The weather Wednesday was terrible here. It wasn't particularly cold but there was heavy rain and wind. At times the rain was coming down sideways. There was flooding and more than a few tree branches were blown down.
It was as I was walking across the deck in the back of our house that I received my lesson. I had been anxious most of the day. It happens sometimes. A little idea gets stuck in my head and I can't get it out. I figured if there was going to be any dramatic change in my blood pressure after the dosage drop, Wednesday was going to be the day.
This thought stayed in the back of my mind all morning. Even when my readings were good, I couldn't shake that feeling. The Bible is very clear in that it says, "Do not worry." - Matthew 6:25 It also points out that no one can add anything to their life by worrying yet, there I was doing just that.
So, back to me walking on our deck. I was heading out to the van to pick up Caelyn from school. The deck is made of wood and as I started down the steps, I slipped, fell backward and slid down the 5 or 6 steps to the concrete below.
It hurt. It hurt a lot.
Fortunately, I am OK. The only damage, other than my pride, is a thick nasty looking but not very deep scratch that goes most of the length of my forearm.
It occurred to me later that I could have really been hurt. I could have easily broken a bone. What if I had hit my head on a stair or the concrete? Things could have gone bad for me really quickly. I thank God they did not.
Then I remembered I had spent so much of the day worrying about my health in the form of my blood pressure. What a pointless waste of time. I could worry about my blood pressure all day, every day and still get hurt by a simple act like walking down some stairs.
Worry is pointless. We never know when our lives may change quickly for good or ill. I don't know what tomorrow holds. Nobody does. But I do know that worry will only ruin my today. It is something that I was reminded of on Wednesday and will all to often and quickly forget. But it is something I hope to remind myself of everyday.
